Funny Facebook Status

I need 6months vacation, twice a year..

I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.

That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.

Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.

Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing..

You and your rumors have two things in common, you’re both fake and you both get around.

If life give you lemons, squirt your enemy’s eye..

Well, We have a poke button, now we need a punch and pinch and kick button..

Facebook is a crazy house People poke each other all day have an imaginary pet farm and talk to walls

I don’t have issues, I have demonds and they are the ones with issues

I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.

Sometimes the only one who can appreciate you, is you.

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..

I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…

I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..

If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me..

Thinks if Peter Piper picked peppers and Jack and Jill ran up the hill and Mary took her lamb to school, wasn’t Humpty Dumpty lazy just sitting on a wall?

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

I bet that in prison everyone’s FB relationship status is set to it’s complicated.

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15 min later back on. its an endless cycle..

My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people..

That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.

Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition..

Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

Your eye is the only part you can not wash with soap.

One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry..

You can not get lost on a straight road.

When I was born I was so surprised, I didnt talk for a year and a half..

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

Life is too short, smile while you still have teeth..

Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Where there is a will, there are 100 relatives.

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!

If swimming is an exerciser explain whales to me.

I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…

Before talking, Please connect the tongue to the brain…

If swimming is an exerciser explain whales to me.

Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..