Funny Facebook Status

Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.

I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz

Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat :)

It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.

I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice :)

The question I have not been able to answer is “What… does a woman want?”

Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.

Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighbouring table n wish you”d ordered that.

Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.

My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.

If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror :D

The only difference between me and a madman is that I’m not mad.

Caution, Blind Man Driving.

Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?

If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

I feel like a Indiana Jones, because you are the treasure I am looking for.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

How can i miss something i never had?

BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.

If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.

I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste :)

I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and i’m still at school.

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

If you can’t find the key to success, pick the lock.

Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.

Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.

Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want ,men have to sleep with whoever lets them!

Do you know the meaning og ABCDEF? A boy can do everything for Girl. Reverse the meaning of, GFEDCBA … Girl forget everything done & Catches new boy Again.

Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.

There are alot of fish in the sea, but I think there’s a hole in my net :)

Want to learn how to dance? Have a cold shower today at midnight, I bet, You’ll rock like SHAKIRA :)

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.

If money grew on trees – girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?