Funny Facebook Status

Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.

Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

In bed, it’s 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45. At school it’s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31

I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. :)

GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.

I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep :)

Boys, if you don’t look like calvin klein models, don’t expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association) :)

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.

One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions :)

I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice :)

If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.

If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking :)

I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them :)

All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.

Excuse me …. Plesae empty your pockets …. I think you stole my heart.

Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.

I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi :)

I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat :)

Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture :)

The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won :)

Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.

How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday :)

Nothing is illegal until you get caught :)

Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.

Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. :)

Girls work on their looks but not their minds b’coz they know boys are stupid, not blind.

The definition of a beautiful girl is one who loves me :)

I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something :)

Only fools fall in love and I guess I’m one of them :)

God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China :)

Friday is my second favorite F word.

For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.

Every girl deserves ONE GUY who looks at her every day like it’s the first time he saw her. And Im that ONE GUY :)

I think I got a fever, a fever of you :)

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday :)

Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.

For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember thats where the knives are kept. :)

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.

Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.

Most emotional moment in a boys life, When a girl says, Can you give me your number :D

Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

Definition of human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.