Funny Facebook Status

Teacher -“Where is the CAPITAL of out COUNTRY???” Student -“in Swiss Banks” lolx.

Being single is fun….

Love thy neighbor. But don’t get caught.

My week is basically …Monday–>Monday#2–>Monday#3–>Monday#4–>Friday–>Saturday–>pre-Monday

At last got to know how to loose weight in 10 days :Just turn your head right then left and repeat whenever offered any food :) :)

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

typing….

If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wake up.

Our marriage is like a workshop. I work and my wife shops.

There are 3 types of people in the world- vegetarian, non-veterinarian & Tuesday Saturday

My heart is stolen…can I check your bra…….

I Am Not Special , I Am Just Limited Edition :P

My teachers always told me that if I didn’t study hard enough I’d end up working at McDonalds. Well I proved them wrong, I got a job at KFC today.

Congratulations!!My tallest finger want to give you a standing ovation

I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.

Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guy[/quote]

My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.

Someone on his status “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s Probably dead.

A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”

Wow now I’m a graduate…….Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains .

It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing…

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Life is Short – Chat Fast!

Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.

Everythings funnier when youre supposed to be quiet..

I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!!

What’s good about being single? you can always flirt with anyone. you can go anywhere without someone behind your back. you can do whatever you want. and what ‘s the best about being single? No one make you cry :) :)

Save water drink beer.

Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.

You can never buy Love….But still you have to pay for it ..

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.

I love my job only when I’m on vacation…..

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.

Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death..!!

When I’m a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…

Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped :)

Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.

Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it

A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”

Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.

God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me :P

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…

I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.