Facebook Jokes

I have a date tonight, with my bed. We are totally gonna sleep together.

Instead of single as a marital status, it should read independently, owned and operated :)

Congratulations … You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea. It does not enhance your performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft. Lolz

I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday :)

Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.

Question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?

Death is God’s way of saying you are fired. Suicide is humans way of saying, I quit.

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lolz

There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients :)

Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent :)

We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.

Dear math, Im not therapist so solve your own problems.

Today’s Joke! A Girl said …….. TRUST ME :)

The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.

I’m not sure how much longer I can hide the fact that I’m a robot.

You wanna see a perfect relationship? Watch a movie. Lolz

Dear Facebook, Just wait, one day they will leave you too. Sincerely, ORKUT

Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.

Insert coin to view my status messages.

Did anyone ever notice that “STUDYING” is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?

Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P

Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘K’ :)

You dont realise how many clothes you have, until you wash them.

Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make.

You have lot of curves and I have no brakes ;)

I haven’t slept for ten days, bcoz that would be too long.

Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being.

Why do U think I SMS You? Is it because I care? Or I miss You? Or I love You? Or I need You? No ! It’s because I need a person for just time pass. :)

If at first you don’t succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.

I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Taking revenge is wrong… very very wrong… But very very fun…

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It’s not fair that some men should be happier than others.

A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin. Her colleague asked: What Happened? You went inside in a happy mood. She replied: He asked me are you free tonight? I said absolutely free. That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry?

Hey, you have eyes, I have eyes, we have a lot in common!

Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.

You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

I promised my friends that I wouldn’t date bad girls anymore.

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Please help the homeless. Take me home with you.