Facebook Jokes

Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

A boy commented on his Facebook status Happy New Year The girl wrote in comments Same to you The boy edited the status to – I love you!!!

I’m Not Anti-Social I’m Anti Idiot!

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

Before you take me away, i just want to update my profile picture….

At late night wife’s mobile beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry. He wakes his wife. Husband (angrily): Who is the person saying beautiful? Surprised wife checks her mobile. Wife (double angrily): Heyyy.. Use your spectacles. it is not beautiufl. it is battery full…

It’s ok to talk to yourself, it’s even ok to answer yourself.. But when you ask yourself to repeat what you just said- you have a problem!

Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product? Bunty: MS Excel Lucky: MS Word Bittu: MS Powerpoint . . . . Santa after thinking a lot, “MS Dhoni” tongue emoticon

My age is very inappropriate for my behavior..

Facebook is like a fridge. you keep checking it, but there’s nothing good.

A fast beating heart doesn’t always mean love…. A blushing face is not always a sign that your inlove…. Sometimes huboG lang!! Hahahaha

Hi Sweetie how was schook Today?? you can read all about it on my facebook DAD!!!

Free Beauty Advice for Girls… if you want A good profile picture for your facebook profile… Without wrinkles without pimples without dark Marks Use”Adobe photoshop”

Behind every successful status update there is Ctrl+c & cntrl +V …

What is facebook????? its a place where boy posts joke, gets no responce & if girl posts the same joke, gets 150 likes & 56 friend requests!!!!

Being popular on facebook is like sitting at the cool table in a cafeteria at a ental hospital!!

A fast beating heart doesnt always mean Love… A blushing face isnot always a sign that your inlove… Sometimes huboGLANG! HAHAH

A man died and sent to Heaven. God was surprised to see his Heart still beating. . God asked him, how come? The man replied, “I’m Dead but my Wife still lives in my Heart”. ;)

When I die I want my body to donate for research, but more specifically to a scientist who is working on bringing dead bodies back to life.

Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 four times. It’s that easy.

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!

When your GF blocks u on facebook…… Its called an electronic divorce :)

If people could see the face I make when I read their facebook status updates, they would probably unfriend me.

I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke.

Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a girls brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.

We are the WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

It’s not true that I had nothing ON….. The radio was ON. :)

There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.

I hate when skinny girls say,”omg I’m so fat”. If you are fat does that make me a whale?

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, if I die next Tuesday.

The real reason women live longer than men b’coz they don’t have to live with women.

Don’t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain’t. :)

Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)

I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. :)

Dear Google: They are only using you to get to me. Sincerely Wikipedia

I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them.

How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? …………………….. with Duct Tape :)

Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone’s mouth while they are talking?

FACT: Kissing burns 5.4 calories a minute…… Ummm, wanna work out?

Whatever you do always give 100% ….. Unless you are donating blood :)

I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.

I never let my best friend do stupid things … alone.

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up …….. after I finish laughing :)

I did in the bed. I did it on the couch. I did it in the car. Texting is such an obsession. :)

Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.

Dear parents, we know money doesn’t grow on trees, that’s why we are asking you for it.

I’m not stalker. I am an unpaid private investigator.