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Hilarious Facebook Status
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I learn something new every day that I didn’t want to know.
Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
God died for our sins, so if you don’t sin god died for nothing.
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
soo the oil leak finally stopped,way to go Obama..took you long enough
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
The only thing that could stop me from taking selfies is a photo of what I look like taking selfies.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight… to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Decided to make a life altering decision today… When I think of it I’ll let you know
People leave you out in the cold and get mad when you learn how to get warm by yourself.
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
All my life I thought air was free…… until I bought a bag of chips.
Ever wondered why need to pee intensifies when you are unlocking the door?