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Hilarious Facebook Status
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The longer the title the less important the job.
It’s usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.
Silence is Golden. Duct tape is Silver :P
Make sure your worst enemy is not living between your own two ears.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
I learn something new every day that I didn’t want to know.
Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
God died for our sins, so if you don’t sin god died for nothing.
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
soo the oil leak finally stopped,way to go Obama..took you long enough
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
The only thing that could stop me from taking selfies is a photo of what I look like taking selfies.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight… to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.