Hilarious Facebook Status

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I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.


Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.


I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.


Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.


I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.


The only thing that could stop me from taking selfies is a photo of what I look like taking selfies.


When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight… to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.


Decided to make a life altering decision today… When I think of it I’ll let you know


People leave you out in the cold and get mad when you learn how to get warm by yourself.


Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.


All my life I thought air was free…… until I bought a bag of chips.


Ever wondered why need to pee intensifies when you are unlocking the door?


Of Course I talk to myself, because sometimes I need Expert Advice.


Don’t be afraid to fail because only through failure do you learn to succeed.


Don’t fear the enemy that attacks you, but the false friend that hugs you. Careful who you trust don’t be naive.


Do you know why a previous relationship is called EX? It’s not the term for the past. EX is short for EXpired.


It’s always the wrong person who teaches you the right things in life.


I wonder if I know the person who I am going to marry.


That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life anymore.


Everytime I think of you, I get the biggest smile on my face and you still don’t understand how much you mean to me.