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I am such a good a cook even the smoke alarm hoots and hollers

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear. Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep :)

I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?

99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 3%.

Looking at people’s mutual friends and saying “OMG HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM”

The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.

I’m pretty sure the best thing about Facebook is the ability to read other people’s fights.

I know the world isn’t going to end in 2015 because my yogurt expires in 2016!

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.

Teacher -“Where is the CAPITAL of out COUNTRY???” Student -“in Swiss Banks” lolx.

Being single is fun….

Love thy neighbor. But don’t get caught.

My week is basically …Monday–>Monday#2–>Monday#3–>Monday#4–>Friday–>Saturday–>pre-Monday

At last got to know how to loose weight in 10 days :Just turn your head right then left and repeat whenever offered any food :) :)

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

typing….

If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wake up.

Our marriage is like a workshop. I work and my wife shops.

There are 3 types of people in the world- vegetarian, non-veterinarian & Tuesday Saturday