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WARNING!! I know karate …..and some other words!!!

I may be fat, but u’re ugly – I can lose weight!

How can I say we got freedom when we tied the chain with glass on the public water cooler? We just got the separate piece of land not freedom.

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore.

If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more and show some practical.

If your girlfriend claims that she never look at your fb profile, try changing your status and wait 2-3 minutes…

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rollin, they hatin

Say this out loud fast: ”U R 2 6 C I 1 2 4 Q.”

Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

The best memories come from bad ideas.

Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation..

I have been upgraded to Santas naughty list Platinum member

A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.

Dont ruin a Good Today because of a Bad Yesterday

The only time success comes before work is in dictionary.

Every person you come across is a ‘People you may know’ notification.

I want everyone to meet you. You’re my favorite person of all time.

If I opened a camera store called Photo Shop, do you think I’d get sued by Adobe?

Was that lightning?!” “No, they’re taking pictures for Google earth…