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“I’m not like most girls.” -Most Girls

Who remembers going on the computer as kids, just to go on paint and space pinball?

Dear crush!! You’ved crushed me <3

‘I don’t watch tv’ proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.

Don’t Ever Let Go What Is Already In The Hands

There’s no place like

Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Saying ‘What?’ And then realizing what they said a second later.

The past tense of wink is wunked.

Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.

I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.

Being creative is not a hobby it is a way of life…

I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion and I’d hate to deprive them

You can’t handle my undivided attention.

My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.

Just high fived that wall with my face.

Even a turtle only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.

The best things in life are not things.