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I hate how chocolate immediately melt on my fingers. I mean.. am I that hot?

An evil person is like a dirty window, they never let the light shine through.

My idea of “friends with benefits” is another one of my friends doing my laundry. What were you people thinking.. I have morals.

I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I? “Peanut Butter”.

What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and squishy? What?! It’s bubble gum. Jeez, what were you thinking?!

I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?

You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.

So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

Hands are so overrated..I think I’ll use my mouth..

People say I have a dirty mind… But I say its just creative!